PV in pictures

Here are pictures of my permanent site to help you visualize what I've been talking about:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sam_wise/sets/72157631632655779/

Enjoy! Comments are always loved :)

Letting go...a little bit

If you know me well, I like being in control. I am generally the person electing to be in charge of a trip with friends, selecting the general itinerary and the schedule for the day. My friends understand this about me and usually give me free reign to do so. As I integrate into my new home, I have to realize that the culture I am trying to learn from and join will require some letting go of my desire to control. No problem, I got this; that's why I joined Peace Corps, right? I have daily reminders of this struggle as I try to set a schedule for myself that is susceptible to flexibility and change. A couple events yesterday highlighted this feeling and reminded me of the importance of flexibility because in that moment, there are usually the greatest opportunities to learn. When I arrived here several weeks ago, I quickly realized there is some sort of music shop/band practice space next to my house. Sounds cool, but as they played their electric instruments for 3 straight hours that first day, I was concerned this was a daily occurrence. Luckily this was not the case, however, the practices have picked back up after a few weeks with full force since the band is preparing for a "concert" of some sort at the park on Sunday. Although their newly installed stage and giant speakers shook my house all afternoon, I was able to sleep and (kind of) study some Khmer before I headed off to tutoring.

Rock on

After tutoring, I headed off to teach English to the School Director of my PTTC and a Math teacher at the school. The attendance is not a constant, but these women are the most dedicated and enthusiastic students. After class has begun, a man shows up who had come to class the prior week and, as usually is the case in Cambodia, I was not totally clear on his relation to the school or the other students. He knows a lot of English so he was helpful to have around for translations or to boost participation. This class started to feel different as after every sentence I uttered, he had something to add or alter the way I was teaching. As a prideful person bordering on the edge of stubborn, this began to gnaw at me. I was thinking "who does this guy think he is?" and "why doesn't he just teach instead of me?" I soon realized that he is in fact the husband of my school director and, when I stopped thinking so much about myself, I began to see that his perspective and methods were a helpful alternative to mine. Once I let go of my ego, I saw that he was not trying to override my authority as a woman (a constant gender refrain in my head), but was just wanting to help out. I understood from my observations that this was not the first time he had done this either. He had in fact been a high school English teacher for 10 years before his current job teaching computers and technology at the university. This realization was a good check for me as I will begin co-teaching with counterparts (Khmer English teachers) the following week. I am not there to steer the course of their class, I am there to support, teach, learn, absorb and be humbled at times. No matter how much I may think I know, there is always room for growth and I have to make space in myself and within those I work with.

Becoming Leo – How to be present and mindful

I’ve been ruminating on some blog topics in my free time, when I’m not busy with the schedule I have created for myself consisting of reading, studying Khmer, hanging with my family, biking and ongui/dao (sitting/wandering) langing around town. Sitting and reading with my sister has become a recent passion of mine in a case of the blind leading the blind whereas my mom has to correct both of us as we pretend to read in Khmer. In a discussion with my (American/biological) dad today, all paths in our discussion led back to Leo, my favorite giant dog in Berkeley. Most conversations in my family lead back to dogs or poop relating to dogs, which isn’t too far off from most of my discussions in Cambodia, but this one was a bit different. I remarked on how I went on a run this morning, but as I do everytime I leave my house and enter the streets, market, etc. I have to brace myself for the stares. The stares that come from mostly men, as they are the predominant players on the streets, in the restaurants, sitting around, usually make me frustrated and angry. I am no stranger to this attention from my travels and time studying abroad in Morocco, but it is always a new challenge in any country. When explaining this reality to my dad, he said, “That’s just like being Leo, everywhere he goes…stares”. If you haven’t met my dog, here he is:

Not your typical Khmer dog

I have grown up with Scottish deerhounds my whole life, so I see this face as familiar, while others may have other opinions due to their lack of knowledge. So their reaction is thus to stare which is sometimes accompanied by comments. Similarly, a female barang (foreigner) running down the streets of my town is enough to cause the same reaction. I am quick to take this attention personally and become protective of myself and almost disgusted by this display. However, I do understand that the way I interpret this behavior is quite different than the cause for it; which is to say that they are staring out of fascination and difference.

The best part about Leo, maybe because he’s a dog but also because of his amazing resilience, is that he could care less about all the stares, and sometimes bounces more as he walks along without regard for those beyond himself. My dad described this as Leo being the poster-being of how to be present and mindful. I try to take the same attitude to the streets of Cambodia as I realize that my differences cause stares, which is not necessarily such a bad thing. It is the reality of showing up as an American volunteer in a town not comprised of such beings. This is the beginning of cultural exchange. It’s what you do with that fascination, curiosity and attention to difference that matters.

Locomotion

Got this quote from a friend...

 "Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race." H. G. Wells

As I ran through my town today which is a completely foreign activity for most, especially to see a female barang (foreigner) do so, I think of the number of people just watching me and what they might be thinking. I also wonder if their interest in my choice of activity will wane over time and this becomes a fixture in their landscape. Time will tell. This also connects to a conversation I was having with my host family as they saw me laboriously trying to clean my dirty clothes. First of all, my host family thinks that I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to completing basic tasks: laundry, cooking, choosing the correct route to the market, purchasing food without being overcharged, etc. They are correct to assume so since this is all new to me. They are extremely patient and aim to ease my transition as much as they can. Back to the laundry...we discussed how Americans have machines to do tasks such as these, while Khmer do things by hand and are therefore more industrious (paraphrase as that word was clearly no discussed in Khmer). I observe this basic concept as I wander or bike around town each day. I see this replicated in a myriad of ways I do not even understand yet. I see people who are resourceful and make do with what they are given. Although I have not in fact begun my primary job within my PTTC, each day I am trying to learn more about my community, my family and the individuals I meet who demonstrate this notion.

Yesterday I practiced reading the Khmer (pronounced ka-mai) alphabet with my sisters as my 6-year-old sister is also learning to read. We try to teach one another somewhat successfully.

The last two months in PICTURES

It's what you've all been waiting for and I used the mighty power of my internet stick to make it happen. Enjoy. I will be posting the majority of my pictures to flickr, but will also post here when I do so. First two sets on the page are from Cambodia, but you should be able to figure that out without my help :).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sam_wise/sets/

Too many titles to choose just one...

Much has happened since my prior post expressing the limbo I was experiencing, namely I have moved to my permanent site and am trying to figure out what is going on here. The following titles came to mind when I tried to summarize my past few days in my new home:

(1) PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteer) in the age of technology
(2) Welcome to my province, Prey Veng
(3) Anti-Anti-American Sentiments (double negative work here?)
(4) Working on my "ongui lang-ing" OR Extracting my type-Aness/Khmer-ing myself (sorry for the many creation of new nouns, especially in Khmer)

I will describe each title in a bit more detail to get you up to speed.
(1) As I separate from my new support network of 58 PCVs, I realized that our access to internet and phones does a lot to keep us feeling not too far away from one another. When I speak with friends and family from home, they remind me of this circumstance that would not be so if I was a volunteer 5 or 10 years ago. In our transition from Trainees to Volunteers, we became closer friends right before we would be spread among the provinces of Cambodia and unable to see one another for a couple of months. Luckily (or maybe unluckily) we have the access to technology to enable us to reach out to one another. I say unluckily as well because I sometimes feel this access to internet makes it more challenging to break out of my comfort zone at my desk and experience what is outside. I make time for both each day and hope I can continue to balance comforts with discomforts.
(2) After anxiously waiting for about 2 months, I finally got my permanent site in an exciting and visually stimulating presentation organized by PC Staff and Volunteers. After a grounding and hilarious speech from our country director about what it means to stay throughout your service when times are tough, we entered a large room with a map of Cambodia taped onto the floor. They called out our names as our faces flashed on the screen with superlatives chosen by our fellow volunteers. Then our site was announced which I was unable to hear or process since I believe I blacked out in all of the excitement. My superlatives were: "Easiest PCT to Talk To", "Most Humble", "Best Teacher" and the best - "Most Likely to Make it to Mordor and Possess the One Ring". I'm not trying to brag because all PCVs had pretty sweet superlatives. I am placed in Prey Veng with two K6s in nearby(ish) towns and three K5s who are already here. I had not heard of it, but then again I only knew of a handful of provinces within Cambodia. It is one of the more overlooked and quieter provinces, but I was assured that it is a great province to be placed. It is only a couple of hours from Phnom Penh and depending on which route you take, you can cross the Mekong on a ferry. This was the route I took to my home a few days ago and we initiated ourselves into the province by eating what another volunteer called "the potato chips of Prey Veng" (crickets and other critters). They were quite tasty and not as crunchy as you would expect. I will explain much more in depth about Prey Veng in future posts with pictures as I will be here for 2 years, so I'll just leave you in suspense. In a few words, the provincial town is very pretty, but small and manageable feeling. There is a lake adjacent to the market which is a great size and another PCV told me there is a monkey island in the lake. I could not ask for more in a site.
(3) I was talking to my dad and he mentioned the idea of Anti-American sentiments; I can't quite remember why but I know it was because we were talking on 9/11. I have been told time and time again that Cambodians very much like Americans. I have been feeling their warmth, namely within my new host family that is so welcoming and supportive. I also feel this when I enter the Department of Education unannounced and have discussions with the staff there or when I am walking through the market and the women are excited to hear me attempt speaking Khmer (pronounced Kumai which I only learned at staging in DC). I feel safe and less like a spectacle than I expected to be entering a town not too familiar with foreigners.
(4) I arrived at my site a few days ago (I am trying not to count exactly how many as I believe this will be bad for my mental health) and I find myself without a schedule for the first time in I don't know how long. Khmer are really good at this thing called "ongui lang"-ing which basically means "sitting around". I have a few packets provided by PC to structure my gathering of baseline data on my new site and if you know me well, you know I'm trying to complete them all within my first week. I realize that getting to know a new town does not happen in a week, and I am struggling to set realistic expectations for myself for a given time period. I am trying to understand the almost meditative mindset, as my dad pointed out, that Khmer have when it comes to the passing of time and the value of conversation and sitting around. This well definitely take me at least two years but maybe a lifetime to wrap my head around. However, I do have a great start if it really is the case that my Provincial Teacher Training Center (PTTC), where I will be working with counterparts to train primary school teachers, does in fact start in December. I very much hope this was a miscommunication as my school director does not speak English, but until then I will be working on my ongui lang-ing.

Until more of this town and my work here reveals itself, here is a picture of what it looks like to chill with my little sisters who can use a knife better than I can...

4 day countdown...

In just 4 short days (or really long if you approach life at the speed I do) I will know my fate for the next two years. With just a few days left in my training village prior to site announcements, my mind almost draws a blank when I think forward to where I might end up. It is almost similar to before I left the states and I had no idea what to expect, but at this point I have some schema and knowledge to draw from when I construct my future life in Cambodia. All I really know is everything will be undoubtedly different from living in a small village with 28 other volunteers. Today on my day off, I had my language proficiency test where I answered questions in Khmer for about 12 minutes about a variety of topics such as comparing the weather in the US vs. Kampuchea, my favorite Khmer foods, and my free time activities. For the remainder of the day, I was faced with the reality of a relaxed, easy going existence where I must remind myself that the spaces and lulls are what it is all about. I just really need to learn to slow down. Until then, I'll be counting down the days :)...