Letting go...a little bit

If you know me well, I like being in control. I am generally the person electing to be in charge of a trip with friends, selecting the general itinerary and the schedule for the day. My friends understand this about me and usually give me free reign to do so. As I integrate into my new home, I have to realize that the culture I am trying to learn from and join will require some letting go of my desire to control. No problem, I got this; that's why I joined Peace Corps, right? I have daily reminders of this struggle as I try to set a schedule for myself that is susceptible to flexibility and change. A couple events yesterday highlighted this feeling and reminded me of the importance of flexibility because in that moment, there are usually the greatest opportunities to learn. When I arrived here several weeks ago, I quickly realized there is some sort of music shop/band practice space next to my house. Sounds cool, but as they played their electric instruments for 3 straight hours that first day, I was concerned this was a daily occurrence. Luckily this was not the case, however, the practices have picked back up after a few weeks with full force since the band is preparing for a "concert" of some sort at the park on Sunday. Although their newly installed stage and giant speakers shook my house all afternoon, I was able to sleep and (kind of) study some Khmer before I headed off to tutoring.

Rock on

After tutoring, I headed off to teach English to the School Director of my PTTC and a Math teacher at the school. The attendance is not a constant, but these women are the most dedicated and enthusiastic students. After class has begun, a man shows up who had come to class the prior week and, as usually is the case in Cambodia, I was not totally clear on his relation to the school or the other students. He knows a lot of English so he was helpful to have around for translations or to boost participation. This class started to feel different as after every sentence I uttered, he had something to add or alter the way I was teaching. As a prideful person bordering on the edge of stubborn, this began to gnaw at me. I was thinking "who does this guy think he is?" and "why doesn't he just teach instead of me?" I soon realized that he is in fact the husband of my school director and, when I stopped thinking so much about myself, I began to see that his perspective and methods were a helpful alternative to mine. Once I let go of my ego, I saw that he was not trying to override my authority as a woman (a constant gender refrain in my head), but was just wanting to help out. I understood from my observations that this was not the first time he had done this either. He had in fact been a high school English teacher for 10 years before his current job teaching computers and technology at the university. This realization was a good check for me as I will begin co-teaching with counterparts (Khmer English teachers) the following week. I am not there to steer the course of their class, I am there to support, teach, learn, absorb and be humbled at times. No matter how much I may think I know, there is always room for growth and I have to make space in myself and within those I work with.