superlatives and mannequins

At the end of my two month training, each volunteer was given some superlatives like we were graduating high school again. Some serious and some comical or jokingly offensive - a couple of mine were "Easiest PCT to Talk to" and "Most Likely to Make it to Mordor and Possess the One Ring". Recently I have been teaching comparative and superlative to my trainees and the EFC (English for Cambodia) regularly uses physical comparison that Americans could consider rude or unflattering. One day a co-teacher asked the fattest students in the class to stand up. Backing up, Cambodians often state their observations in a comparative manner. They like to remark on appearance and, especially in the case of two foreigners, point out what is different between the two ("His Khmer is clearer than yours" was a comment after another volunteer visited my market). This is something that used to surprise me, but I know like to think that I am generally unfazed by something I may have thought was hurtful in the past. In the corner, I tried to keep my mouth closed and comments to myself, but as the students did not respond to his request, I couldn't help but mutter "Seriously??" The students most likely did not respond because they didn't understand him. He pointed to two girls he believed to be the fattest and asked them to stand stating "They are the fattest in the class". After he followed with "who is the most beautiful?" and, as is expected, the students and my co-teacher said "Teacher Sam". This is not due to my huge ego but rather the general Cambodian perception of beauty. Because of my "white" skin, pointy nose, long eyelashes, curly hair and generally white Western features, Cambodians consider me to be quite beautiful, no matter how grungy, unkempt my hair or baggy my clothes are. No matter how sloppy, when I enter the market, I have many admirers who watch my every move and comment on my looks. If you know me, this makes me really uncomfortable. I do appreciate flattery, but when it stems from my foreignness and exotic features, I can't help but feel like a bizarre animal.

My tutor told me that when friends in his village saw pictures of Kirk and I in his daughters wedding, they said that "we were as beautiful and tall as mannequins." He said while they watched the video, they desired to look at us more than the Khmer people. I did feel like plastic that day being bound into tiny outfits, parading around, wearing more makeup than I have accumulated over the last 27 years and hairspray. I suppose that in American culture, we also aspire to look like unrealistic images but I never had expected to be compared to that. Here, comparisons and conformity are prized while individualism is not sought after. Maybe I do project myself as a doll since I do my best to blend in and don't project much individualism either. To do so, would display a degree of vulnerability and varied emotion that is not acceptable in Khmer culture. I seek to be a model of professionalism in all aspects of my life here and well integrated into my community. In this culture, saving face is a priority as other judge you on your surface appearance and actions. Here, emotions are not as readily shared and I am certainly in no place to discuss emotions with Khmer friends, family or co-workers due to my limited language abilities. Much of the time, Khmer culture focuses on what is objectively observable. I wonder when what is perceived as objective switches to subjective; for example, my Khmer tutor, who is well versed in American culture, and I were discussing when it's culturally acceptable to make a comparison for Americans. You can compare height, eye color, length of hair, but only when there is judgement involved can those comparisons become unwelcome or rude. I do realize that when I switch between interacting with Cambodians and Americans, I use words differently as it is the American expectation that we are calculated and wary before saying the first thing that enters your mind.

I can't change much about this culture of comparison other than explaining the diversity that comes from my culture or make my opinions known where appropriate. When writing some examples of comparative sentences between Americans and Khmer people, I wrote "Cambodians are more beautiful than Americans." My trainees asked if all the sentences I had written were true. Using my teacher authority, I said "Of course they are! I don't lie."

Wedding shots

Band at one of our Khmer teachers' wedding

Jodi, Ryan and Kelly dancing Khmer style round a table